synergy

Every morning I wake up I try to wake to a new beginning, but soon as I start the day I feel like it’s a continuation of yesterday. I am a man that is driven by my past, whether it’s past mistakes or past victories… I tend to relive what I’ve done. Somehow I can’t seem to find this passion that once burned deep inside me; the same passion that dares to risk and lives life with a purpose. I read a quote today that reads this: “I would be unstoppable… if I just get up.” That quotes describes where I am at this moment. I just dont know what to do, or how to get there so I’ll just sit right here. When I just need to get up and get going and stop wasting time, because either I’m scared to take risk, fail or dont know how to begin. Deep within my soul is this fire, this zeal, this heaviness that balls up and I feel like I’m going to explode. And all I need to do is release this energy into something… You ever feel like no one’s listening to you? That no matter how deafening your roar, still no one can hear you…? To this day I still feel no one really knows me. I’m not talking about the things I like, or my what my personality is at different times of the day or how it differs in certain circumstances. I told myself, “It’s you Mien, and the reason why people don’t know who you are is because you don’t give them “you”.” You ever go away for a trip and come back with lots of pictures and stories, ready to share with people? And when you start telling the story you automatically feel that person isn’t even interested, or they’re just flipping through your pictures like its a deck of cards? In every situation I try to give them the deeper side of me, the inside of me that is ready to explode with the zest and passion and vibrancy, but what comes out is… blah. I don’t want to make it seem that I just love talking about myself because that is not the case; I just want to connect with someone that will accept the vibrant me. I’m in search for a synergy. What’s the point in having things when you can’t share them with people? What’s the point in having lots of money or all the love in the world when you cant enjoy them with people? I worry sharing this because I dont want to portray that I am lonely and starving for affection because ‘ not… Because what I desire is a connection, a common understanding, a cooperating interaction… a synergy.

[[[love]]]

-ml