introspective me

risk

Mien Le — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 06:55:57 +0000

I try to live this life without the voices of opinions. Tough to feel you’re doing right when support is what you expect, but judgment is all you get. It seems no matter what choices that are made you always feel like you’re at war with something or someone. It comes back to the very question, “what is happiness?” I look at myself today and I’m thankful that I can stand on my own two feet. As I stand, I think… think of what people might say if I start to move. Move forward, move backwards, or move sideways… at times I feel like I’m going in circles. Moving in circles with the people around me, trying to entertain their thoughts, motivate their security in me. I have never claimed walking in anyone’s shoes is easy, but why does everyone think they can walk in mine? Ultimately I am responsible for “me” and I know choices I make do affect the ones around me… so, am I selfish if I chose to live life the way I see fit? My love has always been avail for the people in my life, but as I move forward I’m starting to see who I can give myself to and who I can’t. Sure, I’m not perfect and have fallen on my face more times than I count. And I will continue to make many more mistakes in my life but I will never sacrifice the risk of failure for the fear of failure.

Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.
William Shakespeare

-ml

me

Mien Le — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 21:35:23 +0000

I have a lot to be angry about… but in the same hand I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m sure the majority of people would agree with me that life, at times is unfair, relentless, brutal, & unkind. And for the most part I’ve battled back thinking that I could get the upper hand on life. I’ve used weapons like frustration, resentment, hate, selfishness and lust. The one thing I never did was regret… as much as I’ve always wanted, wished and desired for a life I dreamed of, I never regretted any of my actions. I did what did, did what I thought was best for me, sometimes I did what people wanted me to do, simply enough I was doing me. Somehow I ended up here, with people around me who love me, who support and care for me. The ironic thing is that it’s not about the things I did that was immoral and ended up in a situation that in some people’s eyes felt it was undeserving. It was countless reminder that there was this kindness, this grace that was always being presented to me. I have never believed in karma… that one good or bad deed deserves a same and/or equal reward or punishment, not by law but by spirit. Because if that was the case, then I guess this would be different message. “To each his own.” People will find truth in anything, well anything worth believing. This not a debate on what is wrong or right, this is simply a self debate, an internal battle, a life long struggle on doing what you feel is wrong or right. The rest? I guess the rest will take care of itself. I know as long as I am moving, whether forward or backwards, I know I’m going in the right direction…

…or I’ll soon figure it out.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

-Charles Swindoll.

-ml

everyday

Mien Le — Sun, 09 May 2010 19:00:49 +0000

I know to loving me isn’t easy, and putting up with me is a task in itself. You have the hardest job of taking care of my well being. You keep me balanced, you keep me focused, and when it life gets too tough to face, I know I can dwell in your love. And with a sound of your voice, I am uplifted once again because your strength is my strength. I am who I am because of who you are.. I am my mother’s child. And I stand by you proudly because you have stood by me proudly and continue to stand. I’m sorry if I haven’t said it enough, but everyday should be your day.

Happy Mother’s Day

[[[love]]]

-ml

easy

Mien Le — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 20:08:15 +0000

We live in a world where words seem no more important than the next. Whether they are thrown around to cover up our situations or to shadow our feelings, words, impacting words, loses all credibility and meaning. Because feelings, are just that, and situations sometimes turn for the worse but we are no less misfortunate than our next door neighbor. But we sure make it worse than it really is, don’t we? We feel that OUR problems are the worse, no will understand and becoming the victim is much easier than just accepting it, learning from it. What is it about our nature where we yield to the toughest challenges in our lives?

Character growth is the greatest gift, and because character is an invisible gift, its difficult to measure what’s good character and character that seems to have some moral uncertainty. But how can we determine between the two when “easy” becomes the word we say in our head the most. I never get a chance to reflect or grow when things come easy, but honestly whenever I get a choice to choose, and if “easy” is a choice I’ll take it. But there are times where choices are hard to make, or times where I have no other choices to make, those are the times where growth seems to happen the most. Our initial journey shouldn’t be the easy road or answer, but that should be our goal. Ask anyone with a successful career or passion. The road to victory is hard road but a rewarding one, both physically and spiritually. Why are all the things of this world that are “bad” the easiest to get but the “good” things are the hardest to achieve?

Today I ask you to think. “Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.” Martin Luther King. I know some of us are already deep thinkers, good. Because on your quest the toughest character to achieve is maturity but when we do, clarity and simplicity will come with your deep thoughts.

Last night I had a dream, a dream of thanksgiving. I know it sounds weird but in my dream I couldn’t speak, all I had were my actions. Then it led to me realize that I didn’t want people to mistake my thankfulness as a form of payment, that I truly do care and love the people around me. But deep down inside I feel like it’s a payment for all the crap inside me that I am dealing with, that as long as I am grateful and showing that I am, it will be enough. But enough for who? Does GOD judge you on your actions or your intentions? I am left to answer these things, and I’m truly okay with that. For me that’s the difference between existing and living. Easy is not a choice for me, and I am taught this every day of my life.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Mother Teresa. So with that, Happy Thanksgiving! And my cliché’ “what am I thankful for” answer is: For everyone who is my life actively, teaching, growing, learning, non-judging, ever-loving me. It’s not “easy” but I’m grateful YOU are there.

-ml

waging

Mien Le — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 05:30:36 +0000

Since I moved back, I’ve realized that the things I hold dear to life have been on cruise control. My thoughts, my emotions, my passion… the things that made me the essential “me”, those things were set aside, practically ignored and now I’m on a journey to revive those thoughts, emotions, and passions. I mean, how do I re-ignite something that should have never been left alone and/or ignored? How do I bring this plant back to life when I have stopped watering the roots? The feelings of discontent, discomfort has overwhelmed me and the frustrations, almost near regret of letting something go than fighting to hold on what was dearest to my life. The things that God has created in me, the passion to live a life worthy of His love alone, the emotional stability that comes from the peace, the love, the grace. There is a war raging inside me. Half the humble, gentle being that wants nothing more than to inspire the people around him. The other half stands a cynical, haughty prick that thinks he’s invincible and the desire to scream, “fuck the world” and hide away. What do I do? I get discouraged when I feel like I’ve taken a few steps back and the passion to regain those steps seem so worthless and unpleasing. As if, “I shouldn’t even be here”, or an “I deserve better” mentality. All I can think about is how humbling all this is and how this always happens when I think I’m too good, even too good for my own skin. I mean, damn! Who the hell thinks he’s too good, even for his own skin? Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin. I’ve been afraid to confront these issues and today I thought it was time to just rid myself of discontent and apathy. None of this pretty but definitely needed.

-ml

reason

Mien Le — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 08:32:39 +0000

Things happen for a reason… and sometimes for such a reason I don’t understand or care to. But what happens when things don’t turn out the way it was planned to? Is that a telltale sign for you to move on and never look back or do you proceed to fight for what you believe was suppose to happen? To be honest, I am not a patient person… so to wait around for “reason” is at times, beyond me. Some people might say I’m spoiled, I say I just fight for what I want, what I believe in. Sometimes it backfires and I get into a bad situation with no easy exit. Other times, there are rewards to putting up a fight. (And I want to add that you have to be able to discern the situation to know when to say when and know when to move forward) I have always followed my heart, and that I am afraid of because it leaves me wide open… now even more vulnerable, susceptible for another wound. Can this be avoided? Probably not… I’m now more vigilant and take heed to any warning signs that my heart might be in jeopardy again. But… how does a person fight without heart? How does anyone do anything without heart? I rest on logic as much as the next person, I can rationalize, think myself to death… and I do. So now the stain of misery that had been caused to my heart has given my mind the wisdom to always think before I enter any new situation. Oh the days of young… Someone once told me, “I wasn’t born this way, this is how someone made me.” It’s very true… we were never born to be cautious; we were born to live and express freely. It’s unfortunate that people, although have the power to love, have the same power to hurt. So many souls are walking around heartless… And how do we fix a heart that’s not there? I have made many bad choices in my life, and those choices have lead me to go in a different direction. Where I am going, no one knows… I do know: Things happen for a reason.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be…

-ml

equal

Mien Le — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 20:22:48 +0000

Here I am, again… Like everyone I sit, I stand, I walk, I work, I love, I breathe, I rest, I stress, I hurt… and I’m not here to complain nor minimize anyone else’s struggles. I’m not here to compare, I’m just here to share a voice and maybe through my expression there will be a commonality that we share. As much as there is success, there is an equal amount of failures, and through my failures birth most of my successes. And that goes the same for love… the amount of loved gained equals the amount of love lost. But how does the human heart heal when it’s been through so many failures and so many heartbreaks? I have moved on from my past but it’s difficult not to look in the rearview. There are scars, deep, painful scars… and those scars have turned into wisdom, but have left a heart that was once strong, very fragile. For everything I have gained I have given something in return, is this the rhythm of life? A give and take, a constant sacrifice? It’s easy to give up something less of value for the gain of something greater… it’s very difficult to sacrifice something that is of equal value. How could we discern what is best for us, the former or the latter? Is the grass ever greener or is it always green? I am baffled with the questions of life and the patterns of human emotions. Will I ever make sense of things or will I always be a part of this push and pull, give and take world? Is it true that…”It’s better than to love and have lost, than to never have loved at all…?” I like to think it as, I will love better because it’s not love lost but love remembered, love experienced. And for the people who have never loved at all… will not understand the meaning of loss or gain, or simply love.

…fading

-ml

imagine

Mien Le — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 05:57:09 +0000

Helped by imagination
To delight and surprise
Expressing many ways
My mind takes exercise

The door swings open
Views beyond the gate
Happiest are the hours
My mind can illustrate

Abundance of scenery
Where emotions excite
Every moment counts
My mind escapes, I write

Desire before my eyes
The adoring affections
The beauty to magnify
My mindful collections

With a canvas spread
Bright colors flowing
Of big picture painting
My mind was growing

The luster and sheens
Hoping nothing fades
Each step generating
My mind escapades

Creating the mixtures
With potential to see
Of textures and hues
My mind’s potpourri

[[[love]]]

-ml

torn

Mien Le — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 23:30:30 +0000

I just flew in a few hours ago… traveling each month is grueling for the mind and I find myself living in two places. For the most part it’s a love/hate thing. I love visiting Sacramento, to see family and friends, but when I have to go home I don’t want to go. Then when I’m home here in Seattle, I love it and I when I think about moving back I just can’t see it ever happening. Being here helped me realize how much I took for granted when I was back in Cali, especially my family. It’s funny how comfortable you get when forget to appreciate what you have. I guess to fully enjoy the things you have in life, it takes more than just having them around. God has always been around me but I haven’t neccessarily been around Him as much. So my deeper appreciation of Him has faded… I’ve just been comfortable, or a better word for it: lazy, and a great excuse: busyness. Nothing in life is free and if it is free, the level of appreciation for it is very minimal. I found out that when you work hard, don’t complain, and be grateful for what is given to you… you’ll be alright.

[[[love]]]

-ml

niece

Mien Le — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:02:48 +0000

Today we celebrate in rememberance of grace, and on this day my little niece was born. It was an exciting time for my family and definitely an unforgetting experience for me. Avery was birthed a preemie, 4 weeks early to be exact, and there were no definite answers that she was going to make it.

Now two years have flown by and I am reminded of God’s grace. I’ve been sitting here thinking about how life would be if Avery wasn’t here with us. Yeah, I’m sure, life goes on and we all would have learned to move or remove ourselves from that situation. Oh, but the joy that Avery brings to all of us is nothing less than amazing. I know every little child has their own uniqueness, but there’s something about Avery you just can’t help but smile when you see her, and the feeling you get when your around her you can’t help but want to act like a child again. Oh, how I miss that innocence and the simplicity of life.

I always want to remember to begin each day with a humble heart, that is thankful and gracious of how God is working in and throughout my life. And I am deeply thankful for being reminded of His grace. I love my niece… She is the joy of my heart.

Happy Birthday Avery Mannion

[[[love]]]

-ml